It’s so refreshing to inadvertently meet people or points of view that strike a chord with you.
I beat myself up religiously. I always have. I refuse to claim I always will because it’s not healthy nor does it serve purpose for anyone. Yet I do it. As smart as I am, it seems to me I would make better decisions and have a lot more to show for it at this point in my life. I’m finding out that listening to too many voices and not my own or God’s has made an impact. There’s also another element that I hadn’t considered until the past couple of weeks, which was confirmed after coming across a timely blog post.
Being detail-oriented and being wired to desire understanding on a deeper, more thorough level tends to slow things down.
After reading Moving Slowly in a Fast World, I had the biggest woo sah moment. It helped answer times I’ve questioned my work performance in my last job. It helped me open my eyes to a part of myself that I knew existed but never recognized the slight, but significant impact it has on my life. My thought process is a bit slower than others. Being detail-oriented and being wired to desire understanding on a deeper, more thorough level tends to slow things down. It has nothing to do with levels of intelligence or lack of comprehension. It has to do with wanting and needing to soak up as much information as possible.
And the world doesn’t necessarily have time for all of that.
Friends have told me before “you’ll do things in your own time,” and it comes across as crass because they may not be able to relate or understand their level of “own time” is far different than mine. So my results or responses don’t happen as quickly as they should. And forget about explaining it. It gets tense: defensive on their end, and exasperated on mine. When I worked in the field as an insurance adjuster, I could never for the life of me handle my day like other people could. My fellow teammates could be home by 5pm with their feet kicked up and finishing up loose ends in no time, while I would still be out and about wrapping my day up to hit the road and be home by 8pm… 9pm… and while in route, would remember things I forgot that could not wait until the next day. So I would be sitting in my driveway working for maybe another hour after arriving home.
Details, details, details. I never want to leave any stone un-turned, nor a single step omitted. I’m not one for cutting corners until I have a system in place that I could maneuver even in my sleep. I never acquired that in college. I barely have it together after being a single mom for 16 of my child’s 17 years of life. And that’s just for the must have’s and must do’s in life. Don’t even add socialization to the mix. I don’t know if there’s a time I’m out and about where my to-do list is running through my brain, slowing down my ability to truly have fun and making me a potential Debbie Downer.
Again, I beat myself up about these things constantly because it affects not only immediate actions. But it also ripples into interaction with others.
I often beat myself up for now progressing as quickly in life as my level of intelligence assumes I should.
In reading that article/blog, commented my gratitude to the writer:
“This resonates with me so deeply. I often beat myself up for now progressing as quickly in life as my level of intelligence assumes I should. It seems like we don’t give ourselves enough grace. Thank you for sharing this!”
And it’s true. My word! If God Almighty gives us a pass to err, and we give people chance after chance when they screw up or screw us over, why in the world can’t we wave the “eff it” stick over our heads and bibbity bobbity boo our self-condemning thoughts away? The first time I experienced this concept was after making a life decision in 2017 that will never go away. Of course I punished my own self relentlessly. And I’m not trying to be preachy and stuff (if you noticed, I’m trying not to use too much profanity – it’s Sunday. Otherwise, &$@#?!….), but it was brought to my remembrance the story of Jesus on the cross next to the two thieves. One of the thieves asked Jesus not to forget about him when Jesus returned to Heaven, and He honored that. Again: Grace. Dude was about to die for his crimes and at the last hour still secured himself a spot in Heaven because of his faith and God’s grace.
Sorry… I guess I did get preachy.
All that to say if God/The Universe/etc. can let go of our imperfections, we should be next in line after them. It’s ok to be slow. It’s ok to do things in your own time. It’s also ok to solicit help if there’s an urgency or high level of attention required that our slower pace can’t handle. And most important, our pace is OUR pace and no one else’s. Don’t worry about those friends posting pics on Facebook of their amazing time in Europe when you
It’s ok to do things in your own time.
can barely make a trip to Florida. Don’t dwell on the fact an acquaintance just received yet another promotion (undeserved or not) while you’re starting over from scratch on yet another job. Don’t diminish your value just because you can’t keep up with a coaching program like everyone else and their results seem to be instantaneous.
Let. It. Go.
Acknowledge, accept, and embrace: this is the key to my moving forward with my life and my purpose. Oh, and taking a break from the world for a smidgen doesn’t hurt either.